I can relate to this especially this past week visiting Yellowstone National Park. I climb a category 2 mountain and felt like I was dying when I reached the top. But dam it was worth it.

my asthmatic ass chugging and whistling like a goddamn train

Breathe harder, lean in real close to bystanders, lock eye contact, assert dominance

I also try to breath normally and silently when bypassing someone while jogging, just before I am dying from lack of oxygen and failing back into panting.

And if you only could
You’d make a deal with God

Nah, I just run up that hill and make fun of all the fat kids.

No really! If I were to stop running, people would hear my wheezing breath. Can’t have that.

How about in bed so your partner doesn’t realize that climbing the stairs and brushing your teeth left you out of breath?

💀