Owner Class: “Hey - it should trickle down any minute. I know you’ve been waiting 50 years for it, but it’s gonna come this time. Meanwhile, please subscribe to our Cardboard-Box-as-a-Service.”

EDIT: Oops, I just got back from my beating. My owners wanted me to add an additional addendum:

“Cardboard-Box-as-a-Service (CBaaS) has some additional benefits. Our free tier allows you access to the box, along with special promotions from our sponsors that will play inside the box. Parking comes as an extra service in order to comply with the law. We will provide details on what surcharges you can expect, but our partner providers can communicate what rental fees for land for the CBaaS entail.”

“Our Premium Tier will remove ads. And finally our Super Premium Tier includes a bidet. Water service for the bidet is included with up to 10 bidet cycles per user, with additional licensing available for additional fees. Water pressure may be throttled when many concurrent users are using their bidet. We will release new details on additional plans to increase your booty stream priority, once we figure out how much we can get away with.”