Autistic parent of an ADHD child here, hello! I believe that the kiddo’s diagnosis immensely helped her mother get one as well. Stuff like that takes a while to sink in, but IMO, it’s very liberating when you get to see a professional about your struggles & go, “oh, THAT’S what this is!” I also believe that my own diagnosis helped our child.

I actually wasn’t diagnosed until I was already well into my 20’s & from that POV, I couldn’t be happier that offspring was diagnosed early. It’s not all roses for her either, of course, but the constant blaming (self & otherwise) & crushing sense of isolation is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Ironically, due to my own upbringing, offspring’s executive dysfunction can sometimes be a little challenging for me. Having been seen as dumb & lazy haunts me every day, but I’m doing my best. Our relationship is wonderful & we often laugh at neurodivergent memes together.

It’s funny too, because offspring has been suspected of being on the spectrum, while I’ve been suspected of having an attention disorder. Unfortunately though, the quality of my care is currently such that it’s impossible to be probing further.

I’m not a parent, however, my #1 recommendation for parents is: if the child is autistic, DO NOT listen to the many people who will push ABA (applied behavioral analysis) “therapy” on you. The organizations that push it are very good at making their bullshit look legitimate enough to get pushed by other organizations, including schools, but ABA was invented by the same person who invented gay conversion “therapy”, and adult autistic folks who were subjected to it as children overwhelmingly regard it as abuse.

That aside, it’s apparently really common for a child’s diagnosis to lead to a parent’s diagnosis too lol. Especially for parents who don’t fit the incredibly specific stereotypes.

For ADHD, I would like to recommend the youtube channel How to ADHD. I don’t always agree with it on all points (for example, I think it presents the differences between ADHD subtypes in too gendered of a way), but overall it’s a well-researched resource that is good at presenting information in an easily digestible way, and because it’s run by a woman with ADHD it avoids most of the issues that are common with resources run by neurotypical doctors and similar.

I’m the father of a son with Asperger’s/High Functioning Autism. (He was diagnosed just before Asperger’s was folded into Autism in general.) As I was reading up on Autism to see what my son was going through, I realized something weird. All these books on Autism were talking about me.

Now, once always known I was different, but I chalked this up to “stunted social growth due to excessive bullying in high school.” Of course, this didn’t explain why I did some things into my mid-30’s.

I came to the realization that I’m Autistic. It was a tough realization to come to. My entire sense of self felt like it was destroyed. Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong and I needed to rebuild my sense of self from scratch. Once I got over the shock, though, everything about my life made a lot more sense.

I never got a diagnosis, though, for various reasons. It would cost money when money was tight. It wouldn’t have helped my son and I also had (unknowingly) developed coping mechanisms. So I’m undiagnosed, but 100% positive that I’m ND.