Moderate. I’m angry with the U.S., but music and rhythm games help my mood.

I had a thought that if enough people coordinated to play a particular music or chant at a certain time, you would hear it for miles, much like people did with clapping for medical workers during the heights of lockdown. I think it’d be a powerful message if enough people joined in.

Been on Lexapro a while myself, and one of the most interesting effects about it for me is instead of being exceptionally depressed, I now get angry, which comes with the bonus addition of ✨energy ✨. It’s not joy, but it’s much more useful than depression! If I can get myself to direct the energy to exercise or angrily harping on a task I get to trade it for a little accomplishment and positive feelings. I just got done playing Ragnarok for a half hour after falling off the exercise wagon and it definitely put me in a better mood.

Agreed, I much prefer John Oliver’s vibe. I watched Jon Stewart a few times when he was popular on the Daily Show and tried his more recent stuff too, and it’s never stuck for me. So glad to see him back this week, it’s a comfort for sure.

I looked up the actual definition because I felt like this definition had a missing element, and the element that’s missing for me is the passion or excessive enthusiasm. For example, I’d be comfortable defining myself as a Ditto fanatic. I love Ditto, I know lots of Ditto facts, and I have a fundamental belief that no Ditto plush has any business using anything besides scuba fabric or something similarly stretchy and smooth. I also believe that tiny polystyrene beads are the only filler that make sense for a Ditto plush. I’ll back that up with Ditto lore any day. There is a fanatical quality to my search for the perfect Ditto plushie because of the level of depth and enthusiasm I approach it with, and it gives me joy to talk about it because it’s fun to talk about Ditto qualities.

Contrasting this with my fundamental belief that no human group is inherently superior or inferior to one another - the energy is different. I won’t budge on this, and I have a bit of data to back it up, but it’s not fun or interesting to argue or debate. I don’t go looking for or researching information on this because I don’t find the idea that one human might be inherently better than another interesting. What’s the point of that information? I haven’t ever seen that idea used for good. I might argue it the way I know I should take a vitamin, but it feels like a waste of time to argue about this when we could be talking about more interesting things. That’s not fanatical to me - I don’t obsess over it, and if I had my way, it wouldn’t even be up for debate. To me, that is more a moral than fanaticism. A moral is something divorced from fact or debate, that you hold to be true because you believe the world runs better that way. I wouldn’t accept a perfect argument that one type of human is inherently better than another because morally, I know that idea is at the root of all discrimination, and discrimination leads to harm, which I do not want to cause or contribute to, to the best of my ability.

I could see that same position becoming fanatical if I spent my free time chasing online trolls, bringing it up constantly with coworkers, or researching it obsessively to strengthen my arguments and be in the “winning” position of a debate. I am no more likely to change my opinion than I am the fanatic’s in this situation, but there is a significant difference in how I engage with the question and how much of my brain space it takes up.

Anyway, I’m a fanatic, but if I’ve got the read of your post right, that’s less the feeling to explore than the one that comes when someone questions your morals, and perhaps where they came from. Fanaticism is an interesting behavior though, and definitely worth deeper exploration if the fanaticism is tied to morals.

I’m feeling a lot of energy drain from US politics and news, as well as teaching my class. I started teaching night classes the semester before COVID-19 hit, and summers aside, I haven’t taken a break since. I have a full time day job, so that’s no joke. I finally prioritized myself and rescheduled my trip to Japan, which I was supposed to leave for the week everyone got sent home. It meant taking a semester off though this fall. It’s the right decision, but I’m basically just trying to survive the semester at this point. My day job has a lot going on too.

Just gotta be patient with myself, get rest, hopefully get some exercise after that rest, and wrest myself out of this energy hole I’ve dug myself into. I am proud of myself for keeping the kitchen clean, and did a deep clean and vacuum of the living room yesterday. It feels much nicer in here now. :)