I never thought about this topic like this. FWIW I’ve done both. Always got financial help (Dad payed for my car, stuff that was not covered by scholarships, vacation, extra curricular classes or interests, etc.) and then when he lost his job I helped financially for a bit while he got up on his feet again. I miss him everyday ❤️
So sorry your mom behaved like that. Mine would say “Oh you got birthday money from grandpa? Here, I’ll save it for you” and of course when I wanted it back, she would get bent out of shape yelling that she had given me life and she wasn’t expecting anything in return So why should I. Awful all around.