I had a similar experience growing up, it sucks. It has ruined my ability to interact with and form relationships with other men.

As a father myself, I am striving to create moments like you witnessed, I refuse to let my children suffer the way I/we have.

I prefer brown noise, it feels less harsh to me.

Edit: should have read the article before commenting, the author includes brown noise.

People don’t want to watch reruns

I feel this in my bones.

The article isn’t terribly long, but here is the direct link to Taters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvJtVOmFs5Q

Tell me more about these cats. I’d like my V to be a cat lady, please and thank you.

Lots of good technical starting points here. I don’t want to prematurely discourage you, but before you get into any code, evaluate your problem solving abilities. If that is an area you struggle in, work on that first, or at least in conjunction with programming basics.

I’ve worked with engineers who have all the code skills, but when faced with a complex issue, struggled to break it down into it’s simplest components and wound up with a messy, over-engineered solution.

My social anxiety would love to give a one word answer and move on, my ADHD/self-doubt/trauma says “are you sure that’s enough? they’ll think you are an idiot and don’t know what you’re doing if you don’t elaborate”

Echoing what others have said, get the meds. I’m 39 and have been taking Vyvanse for a couple years; when I forget I am a mess, I can’t believe I made it this far without.

I’ve been working on this lately, what I find helpful is reminding myself that the chore doesn’t have to be done perfectly, and that some progress is better than no progress. I struggle with perfectionism and will put off tasks indefinitely because of fear that if I start wrong or don’t finish it immediately it won’t be perfect. My therapist helped me to realize that perfect is the enemy of done, and that it is ok if something isn’t done perfectly.

The bulk of my day to day work is with a legacy application written in vb.net, and I couldn’t agree more with your first paragraph.

My employer (< 20 total employees, 3 total devs) was recently acquired by a much larger company. Our lead dev was made a manager and no longer has time to code and I was made a team lead and now half my time is spent in meetings, code review, or deployments. I am finding that with limited time for coding I am writing more concise, thoughtful code.

The hardest part of the change was adjusting my expectations for the product. We can no longer deliver what we want at the pace we want as that is now dictated by someone.

Fellow ADHD remote dev here. I started using my own computer in the middle of the main living are of my home, that was a disaster. Ended up getting my own laptop (later replaced by company laptop), setting up a corner in my unfinished basement as a work area and haven’t looked back.