Sometimes I feel like my brain is a plastic spoon already

How do you become an umpire? Do you become one when you’re bitten by another umpire?

“Look, democrats, I’m on your side again! Please buy my cars”

Good thing it wasn’t a 4x100m relay.

We’re all gonna die unless I grow as a person

What if my next six months are my last six months?

The real advice is always in the comments

It’s more like : oopsie woopsie! The train has broken down. We’re trying very hard to fix it. Maybe you’d better take a bike (or “bwike”)

Yes, but what creature would openly admit to being related to us?

Lag

Unless they bury you in those good boxes

prawn and charcoal

I get the feeling you think the tank is 98 years old.

I wish you well

If I’d known it was hammer time I would’ve stopped.

Do you scheming when it’s cold, then nobody suspects you.

Five gazillion? Pah! How about ONE BRAZILIAN!

That’s what any lazy quitter would say. Mind you : They’re trying to get their own little windfall from this, so it’s probably for the best if they quit.

Hope she used a McIntosh apple

I prefer 2mm mechanical pencils instead of the 0.5mm ones.