The clock ticks on. Though, the promised hour never comes.

For me at least, there’s a pretty significant difference between being in a body i find revolting versus one I don’t. I wanted to live my life as someone I could tolerate, who didn’t make me feel disgusting.

I’m not underselling it, dysphoria is repulsive. I felt like a freak, I felt wrong. I just did whatever I had to do to fix that. Validation wasn’t something I sought as much, it’s certainly nice to be recognized but I transitioned for me first and foremost.

I saved this shit for an in person meme dump, it’s so good

I’ve been more honest about that as I’ve gotten older, to others and myself. Like, if I have obligations coming up, I’m gonna plan a recovery day without. I’m gonna show up, do my best, then let the host know I’m tired when I’ve run out of socialization and leave before I get too awkward and distant. It’s hard but worthwhile to just be honest how you’re feeling.

Driving an automatic truck. My car is a manual fiat 500, and I’ve been driving it for a while now and getting used to that. Driving a Nissan titan afterwards feels A) weird, B) wrong C) it’s too big D) where’s the shifter.

I hate it, but because hubs has a truck whenever I drive not my car it’s a nightmare that requires adjustment.

I will say my experience with ketamine and ect were both more distinctly positive than this. ect didn’t last as long, but both made it easier to weather the day and take care if my obligations. Nothing was curative, I still have problems with anhedonia, but they did both help. ECT didn’t help until they were doing it bilaterally with a high level of stimulus for me though. If you aren’t at that level yet, I’d recommend trying a bit longer.

We can go deeper

I’ve lived with depression for most of my life, but in the past year or so I finally feel like I’ve started to get a handle on it with treatment. It’s been like the weight I’m dragging just lightened up some. What would break me down before I can weather a bit better now, and it’s not as taxing to just do the basic parts of living. It took trialling a variety of meds, magnets to the head, shocks in the head, and ketamine for me to get to my current stable level, but most people don’t need nearly that much.

I’d say if by the time you’re asked you’re still feeling depressed and you can’t tell if it’s better, its probably not better enough to warrant continuing at the current dose. But! I’m not a doctor, so grain of salt.

Wall decor of a glistening turd

That depends a great deal whether my dogs count as people and doesn’t matter whether my cat does.

Oh yeah!? Well the sports team you like is even worse! They couldn’t sport their way out of a paper bag.

I just accepted feeling lazy. I’m sitting here waiting for more work to come in an hour into my day right now, just screwing around on piefed. In two hours I’ll have a bit more to do, and then I’ll probably play my drums and mess around on my steam deck some. My boss outright recommended books for downtime, so I don’t even feel bad.

If you’re getting done everything they expect you to and doing it well, there’s no reason to spend all day still not working but sitting anxiously available in your desk chair imo. That’s a good way to drive yourself crazy.

I personally think keeping things that used to be part of someone else is a bit creepy at best. Bones, skin, feathers, fur, it’s all not something I need to have in my home. For example, I saw this guy had turned a family member’s bones into a guitar once and it just squicked me the fuck out.

I would bask in the sun and be threateningly invisibly adorable

Redwall, by Brian Jacques I think. Basically medieval fantasy drama but with woodland animals if I remember properly. I loved the whole series, great books when I was a kid.

Try to compensate with several bagels

Bonus block, it could be anything

Separates the cowards from the heroes

I’m sharing this with all my other vegan friends

I do all the cooking, he doesn’t know how to prepare anything more complicated than sandwiches