I fear I might come across as either arrogant, cold, or creepy.

I’ve been told that in a talk that I perceived as mutually friendly and casual, they wondered why I disliked the other person so much. I guess I am insecure, and it manifests as coldness?

I am physically unimpressive, average height and pretty slender, but I had people recoil when I was mildly angry at them. Looks like angry me has a vibe of “one of us will leave in an ambulance, I don’t care who”. Meh, could be worse, it helped with beggars every now and then.

And for the creepy part… To be fair, I proudly qualify as a pervert, I just aim to be a friendly pervert. Jokes aside, I seem to be in a weird middle ground where people who casually know me think I’m sane, and people who know me well think I’m sane, but somewhere in the middle I guess I must be making too many dark jokes or something.

Sorry for making this all about me, I guess I had to type it out once. Thanks for sharing your experience, maybe I just need to be bolder and give less of a fuck.

🫂

I think I’ve seen both. The US is definitely more on the peach side, and northern Europe is definitely more coconut. But I feel like some regions just have a… standard? norm? of more or less close relationships.

Maybe that was a bad example. Thanks, that is reassuring. However, I feel like I get better and flipping the switch and doing smalltalk / pretending to be social, but worse at actually being social. I fear I’ll end up as a cranky old man yelling at the kids, and I’m not even 30.

Oh, and for the maga idiots, so much yes. I’m lucky that most people at the local range are chill, but some… I am here to relax and kill some innocent cardboard pieces, not listen to you trying to convince me how the woke has ruined the country.

I’m doing a bunch of stuff, I don’t think that is the issue. For that specific example, the group is still meeting (as far as I know), they just don’t bother inviting me unless I explicitly ask a few times. At some point, even I get the hint.

I feel like my issue is that I am incredibly “picky” when it comes to people I enjoy being around. That sucks. I don’t want to be like that. But maybe I need to accept it.

I do a bunch of stuff, that’s not the problem. But, for example, last time I went hiking with a group of strangers, I just had a bad time. I didn’t talk much, I didn’t enjoy the talk, I wished I was either alone or with the (rare) friend. And I cannot really blame the people around, they were as welcoming to me as they were to anyone else.

What pisses me off most is that I wasn’t always that way. I met one of my closest friends at a hike, we just hit off. Maybe it’s a numbers game.

Sorry, I should have worded that differently. That is precisely what I don’t want, of course.

My issue is, I don’t want to have a “linkedin” relationship with people I meet at, say, a sport I do. But I seem to be very picky about who I enjoy talking to. That sucks. I don’t want to be like that. I’m cool with not being super close with everyone, but it would be nice to talk to more than two people without thinking.

Solid advice. It took me way too long that trying to get into a specific friend group wasn’t good for me. All super interesting people, doing cool stuff I want to join, but I feel like shit every time I do. Yeah, no, I don’t need that.

Great point at the end. Yeah, maybe I need to practice being charismatic towards people more. The weird thing is, it works perfectly with random strangers I don’t give a shit about. I guess I need to accept that things don’t come naturally until they do.

That is a cool story. Sadly, 14-year old me was an idiot, and being in my politically edgy phase didn’t really help. Meh, live and learn. But that sounds like a very impressive friendship. I know lots of married couples that would wish for such a connection.

It is a cool concept. Nice way to think about it. Although, I would say some cultures just have more distance, even between close friends.

That’s good advice. It’s a numbers game. You invite ten people, and you’re lucky if three show up. But better than nothing.

Thanks, yeah, that sounds similar. Good for you to have the patience, a different continent (I’m assuming with a language barrier?) must be doing social life on hard mode

I have a bunch. Maybe I should have mentioned that. I do martial arts and a bunch of random sports, I do some nonprofit stuff, I have a bunch of pretty social tech hobbies. I went on a holiday with some people I barely know, and some people I mostly know. I couldn’t fit more in my schedule without impacting work and so on.

It’s more that the people I meet there extremely rarely make the jump from someone you greet while walking past to someone you look forward to talk to.