Citizens of the State of Ohio,

Today there will be a solar eclipse, an astronomical event where the Moon will pass in front of the Sun. Yes, during the day. While in most of Ohio it will be a partial eclipse, in that the Moon will leave a small slice of the Sun visible, in some parts of Ohio the Moon will totally block the Sun.

The important thing to remember is DON’T PANIC. Things to remember while the solar eclipse is happening:

  • It is not a sign or an omen of any kind. Eclipses are a normal part of astronomical events and have no “hidden meaning” in themselves. The sky will not come crashing down nor are “the gods” displeased about anything.
  • The eclipse has absolutely nothing to do with the upcoming Presidential election.
  • The ensuing darkness is not permanent. The solar eclipse will end after a short period of time.
    • There may also be a slight drop in temperature. This too is not permanent and will also pass. There is no need for Coleman lanterns, portable generators or any survival gear you may have on hand.
  • It is not a threat from any foreign agent. Unlike airborne chem trails, citizens can stay calm knowing that the Moon is an American territory.
  • As the effects from an eclipse are temporary, there is no need whatsoever for the following:
    • Human/animal sacrifice
    • Firearms, automatic or semi-automatic weapons, nor missile launchers, bazookas, grenades, or other military-grade weaponry you most certainly don’t have stockpiled under Uncle Cletus’ storm shelter. The Moon is too far away to hit, anyway.
    • Banging drums, setting off fireworks or any general noisemaking to “scare the Moon away”

All kidding aside, Ohioans…

An essential thing to remember is never look directly at an eclipse as it may cause serious and irrreparable damage to your eyes. If you’re not already sick to death of hearing about this furshlugginer eclipse already, Wayne State University, here in Detroit, has a guide about viewing the eclipse today.

Scratch glass, turn blue, stay sick and remember, Parma spelled backwards is…

Love,
!detroit@midwest.social ☆ !michigan@midwest.social ☆ !music@midwest.social

  • apocalypticat@lemmy.world
    6·
    7 months ago

    Public Service Announcement: Michigan’s Almost-There Eclipse

    Dear Michiganders,

    Today, as we tilt our heads skyward, let’s remember that in the grand tapestry of celestial events, Michigan is getting the “lite” version of the solar eclipse. Yes, full totality is reserved for our neighbors in Ohio, a state that, for today at least, can claim full bragging rights to cosmic significance.

    In this spirit of friendly rivalry and celestial one-upmanship, a few reminders:

    • The Partial Experience: Just like our beloved Detroit Lions’ quest for the Super Bowl, Michigan’s view of the eclipse isn’t quite the full deal. But in true Michigan spirit, we’ll cheer for that partial eclipse with the same passion we reserve for our team every season.
    • Eye Safety: Despite only getting a glimpse of the eclipse, the need for protective eyewear remains paramount. It’s a bit like watching a Lions game; you know you should look away to protect your heart, but you just can’t help watching.
    • Silver Linings: In Michigan, we’re no strangers to making the most of what we have. A partial eclipse? That’s just another opportunity for us to show off our unwavering optimism—much like our annual hope that “this is the Lions’ year.”

    So, as Ohio bathes in the shadow of the Moon, let’s embrace our partial eclipse with the fullness of our Michigan hearts. After all, it’s not the completeness of the eclipse that matters, but the spirit with which we observe it.

    Cheers to a day of celestial camaraderie and friendly jests across state lines!

    Sincerely,

    !ohio@midwest.social