No lie, i did a cool line like this for real which isn’t like me usually (I should mention im a dude probs)

On vacay near the French quarter, half-hammered and fully lost trying to get back to my hotel, a group of street kids crosses the street to get behind me. Maybe after a block of me playing it like I’m cool, this deep voice says from right behind me,

“i’m… gunna rape ya.”

I whirled around and saw this guy leering down at me. Even if he weren’t larger and younger than me, even if he didn’t have half a dozen friends, I’m not tough. In the time i finished spinning i knew i wouldn’t be winning any fights, but i surprised myself by asking

‘Mouth or ass?.. I just want to know what kind of night I’m having.’

He looked as surprised as i felt and laughed honestly.

You’re alright, dude!

and everyone clapped just walked away chuckling, i found my hotel, and a fresh pair of underwear.