My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.

What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁

  • AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
    7·
    7 days ago

    whats long, brown, and sticky? a stick.

    what’s long, blue, and sticky? a blue stick.

    ive found kids live this due to the misdirection and then doubling down on it.

  • redwattlebird@lemmings.world
    81·
    7 days ago

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Lettuce

    Lettuce who?

    Lettuce in and you’ll find out!

    Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

    Because it didn’t have any body to go with

  • roofuskit@lemmy.worldEnglish
    61·
    7 days ago

    Two nuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

    My kiddo loved that around her age.

  • Hoimo@ani.social
    2·
    6 days ago

    Why shouldn’t you go the forest at noon?
    That’s when the ripe elephants fall from the trees.

    Why does the alligator have such a flat nose?
    Because he went to the forest at noon.

    Bonus points if you space them out a bit with unrelated jokes.

  • squid_slime@lemm.ee
    31·
    6 days ago

    I pull out a sketch book, say I will do a portrait and put my thump up for reference then hand them a high detail illustration of my own thumb. Lot of effort.

  • CarbonatedPastaSauce@lemmy.worldEnglish
    421·
    8 days ago

    What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? “Fsssssh” (only works if you say it out loud, and they know how to spell)

    • cynar@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      22·
      8 days ago

      The start of one of my favourites, that fell completely flat.

      What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

      What big brown and sticky? A big stick.

      What brown and hurt if it fall on you from a tree? A piano.

      Que flat confused look.

      5 years olds can be a tough crowd.

      • Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works
        13·
        8 days ago

        Gonna jump in here so you teach your kid right:

        Cue, pronounced “Q,” is the spelling for "time to go on stage or say your line " or in this case, “time to look confused.”

        Qué is pronounced “K” and is basically Spanish for what, although “por qué?” is “Why?”

        I know that because of the old joke about the lady crying at her husband’s coffin “Por qué, por qué?” And the coffin opened and said “Butter.” But the reference is too old.

        Anyway Queue is the last one, it’s English English, pronounced “Q” and means people standing in a line, just as all the silent letters are.

  • missingno@fedia.io
    381·
    8 days ago

    What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

    What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

    Why did the blind man fall in the well? He couldn’t see that well.

    A man goes to the doctor and says “I think I have hearing problems.” “Can you describe the symptoms?” “Sure! Homer’s fat and Marge has blue hair.”

    Did you hear about the huge sale at the Lego store? People were lined up for blocks.

    I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?” I said, “Yes please.” “No problem sir. Today is special.”

    I’d tell you a time travel joke, but you didn’t get it.

    I used to work at a toy factory making plastic Draculas. There were only two of us, so I had to make every second Count.