Government so small it can fit in your bedroom!
How were they enforcing this?
They’ll know I’m breaking the law, because I’ll be flying my custom gadsen flag with 7 dildoes on it that reads “Come and count them”
That just lets people know you have dildos to steal
It’s just a tack on when they do search warrants… oh we did not find any drugs but we found 7 dildos… Off to prison!
That’s not a dildo, it’s a stirring stick.
Is there a limit on total footage? Does a double ended dildo count as two? Is a Christmas tree of dicks ok since it’s more than 6, but is Christian?
Need to go candelabra style with them all attached at the base.
They just need to add a way to mount it to a gun and then its not a dildo, its a gun accessory.
Well that’s one way to finally make Republicans upset about school shootings… maybe
Sounds like an interesting bump stock
Hump stock
Like a swiss-army knife. (the AI refuses to render this.)
That’s why we will always need human artists
You rang?
Edit: … I think I should mark this nsfw. Um. No idea how though.
This is beautiful
thank you, i try.
The instance doesn’t allow NSFW content, so I don’t think you get the option.
Luckily, this falls under a satire or parody exemption (probably), so I’m allowing it.
I hadn’t even considered that it might not be allowed at all, my mistake. Thank you for indulging me :)
Magnificent
We need a global network of connected dildos. I propose to call it „Interdildo“
Imagine making some sort of open peer to peer sex toy network. Where you are randomly paired up with another person and you control their dildo and they control yours. But no other communication is possible. That would be a fun experiment.
Christmas tree dildos you say?
Does a straw have two holes or one hole?
Straws have one hole.
Is your mouth and anus one hole?
Yes, and don’t forget to give your granny a kiss next time you visit.
Yes
I dunno, are the Christmas tree dicks circumcised?
I assume a menorah of dildos is out.
Yay! More small government and freedom!
Small government (for businesses) and freedom (to be a certain type of Christian)
Once again, SO glad to have left that shithole state after 42 years there.
Small enough to fit in your underwear drawer!
The great Republican war on orgasms have begun.
They’ve been stopping orgasms from happening for a long time.
Begun? Texas has always had a war on dildos.
Yet, they keep voting for one as governor. 🤔
*trying to buy salad ingredients for the family cookout*
The cashier: sorry state prevents us from selling more than 5 cucumbers at a time.
Is there a shortage of dildos in Texas that they need such laws to stop hoarding?
There is decidedly not a shortage of dildos in Texas.
Have you seen their politicians?
those are just plain ol’ dicks
Hypocrites! They do this tomfoolery but make classrooms hang up the approved lord and savior:
As long as there’s no more than 6 per student
But Jesus had 12 disciples.
sharing is caring
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
6 double-ended dildos are legal.
I’d like to see the legal statute that specifies that multi ended dildos are considered one dildo and that the other ends of said dildo do not count against the legally allowed number of dildos that a resident can own.
What if one broke in half, taking you over the limit?
That would be quite climactic.
New Exorcist reboot just dropped.
The Sexorcist
… Honestly, I bet that exists.
The real question is do I want to Google it or not…
This one’s a bit more tame: https://www.discogs.com/release/4322377-White-Zombie-La-Sexorcisto-Devil-Music-Vol-1
The passion of the dildo
“…the Spirit of God came upon him…”
I don’t know how to make a quote line but this one stood out to me and made me laugh.
“Parents do not consent to their children being exposed to obscene devices while shopping for toothpaste.”
What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?
My local supermarket has sex toys on upper shelves in the family planning section, which is in the healthcare department. They don’t look like dongs, so people shouldn’t recognize what they are unless they know about them already. But kids might still ask their parents what that is on the shelf, and that is apparently worse than school shootings.
Yeah but have you considered that vibrators are very likely causing school shootings?
Vibrator goes brrrrrrr
Gun goes brrrrrr
Do you see the pattern?
My Walmart has them next to the pharmacy, 2 or 3 aisles away from the toothpaste
Meijer has them on the same aisle as the deodorant
It does baffle me that there are parents that think that a kid seeing that box will be ‘scarred for life’
Well, it may lead them to satan. As you know, only pure people go to heaven. So don’t even think about sex. And if you do, then better whip yourself until you forget about it or you pass out.
Put
before the linetest
test
test test
test
test
test test
test
test
test test
test
test
test test
test
test testicles
The Meijer I shop at regularly has vibrators in the same aisle as toothpaste, might be the next aisle over but they’re real close to each other.
Maybe they were talking about those vibrating obscene electric toothbrushes
Funny how they use the word “consent” here that is usually used by progressive people to advocate for safe sex. This is surely done on purpose. To make it sound like seeing dildos in the store is something close to sexual harassment.
Funnily enough, they frame it as sexual harassment against the adults. As in “now I have to explain my child about sex toys”. And completely ignore the children’s perspective. If there was any risk in seeing sex toys, the children would be much more prone to getting “damaged”, as they are children. But since when do “conservatives” even care about the health and safety of children?
The parents should be very well able to deal with seeing sex toys. They are adults after all.
The children will not care about just seeing the sex toys. The biggest risk is that the parents scare them with a bad explanation, and then when they get older they will be scared of sex or think they need to do some things they don’t want to.
Conservatives have no qualm engaging in behaviors that they criticize in others. If they think something will let them get their way they will use it, regardless of double standards or hypocrisy.
I’m guessing that part is performative. I doubt there are dildos for sale at Walmart.
They sell small vibrators in discreet packaging, on the top shelf near the condoms.
Very discreet packaging indeed. I worked at Walmart for a short spell a while back and I stocked them a few times before finally I was like, “Whoa, Walmart sells sex toys!?”
I learned something new today!
My local walmart has a whole aisle, locked in a glass case. You have to go ask an employee to get your dildo for you.
Oh god, at that point you might as well just go to a sex shop. At least those employees deal with absolutely nothing else and are totally non-judgy about it…
Walmart absolutely sells vibrators and plugs. They’re in the section near the condoms, which does happen to be near the toothpaste/deodorant/shampoo area.
That quote reminded me of this funny commercial https://youtu.be/_hgN4Fqulmw
What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?
I get why they would ban that. Texans might think toothpaste was lube for the dildo.
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I’m guessing they are not limiting the number of guns you can own though.
Ever bring a dildo to a gun fight?
No, but there was the time someone brought a dildo wielding drone to a campaign event and attacked the Bernallio county Sheriff with a “dongcopter.”
LOL, how had I never heard of this before?
Source?
Sauce!
This dude knows where the purple dildo is in GTA Vice City.
Exactly!
As the 2015 New Zealand horror classic Deathgasm demonstrated, when you’re fresh out of guns, dildos are quite effective bludgeoning weapons against demon-possessed zombies.
yea that’d be a rookie mistake
Why are so many people using them in Walmart?
People like to sample the produce as they shop, granted it’s usually a bag of crisps or a handful of grapes but it’s the same… ballpark.
Long queues, nothing else to do……
I usually munch on a crisp refreshing onion while shopping.
Makes sense to me.
Yes. Texas bans the possession of or promoting use of more than six dildos.
It does make exceptions for people who have the multiples of the device for medical and law enforcement purposes.
Lmao. Police officers can legally use an array of didos for ‘law enforcement’.
You’ll be arrested if you cheer them on for it tho…
BUT if you can prove it’s medically necessary; you’re welcome to have a cornucopia of rubber cocks.
I think the DOJ needs to investigate how exactly the police in Texas have been using dildos in the performance of their duties…
“Come out with your hands up or we send in the dildos!”
Suddenly the kidnappers realised they’d brought guns to a dildo fight and surrendered.
They need to keep them on hand in case they find one and need to plant 6 more.
I have loose bowels, I need 7 dildos to plug it and stop my anal leakage.
UHC denied my claim for my medically necessary dildo.
First, they came for the dildos, and I did nothing.
They came for the dildos…… and BOY did they came!!!
Because I was not a dildo
This has very strong “If I can’t make my wife come, nobody will
cumcome!” vibes.I think it’s got religious overtones. One per day except the sabbath, when you have to leave your holes free for God to enter. Like Mary did.
Didn’t cheat on her husband at all
Snorted and almost choked on my coffee when I scrolled past this.
The worst part about this is that I’d rather Republicans waste time with pointless legislation such as this rather than something damaging that they could actually enforce.
Oh don’t worry. They’ll get around to doing that as well.
How…how are they enforcing this?
Its something to charge you with when the cops go on a fishing expedition at your house for weed or whatever else.
Its just a punishment law that cops get to use at their discretion totally fairly.
At least they can fuck themselves while they’re at it I guess
Guten Tag! Ve are from se Small Government Staffel, here to inspect your bedroom. Vere are your papers for sese?
Herr Oberdildogeneral
You are sheltering them under the floorboards, are you not?
Se Fuhrer will make you all build Autobahn if we discover you are hiding something in here!
A government so small it can fit inside your butthole.
Is it in yet?
“Open up, morailty police!”
“Sir, do you have more than 6 dildos on the property?”
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Which episode is this from?
Reverse Cowgirl.
The one with the TSA
Wouldn’t surprise me if they treat toys like Sudafed. Gotta flash your ID to buy one.
